1:06:55 – 1:14:27

Sweet Caleb…. 

What can I say?  There are truly no words to describe how precious and loved you are by me and your Uncle John or how deeply we feel your loss already.  To describe you and what made you so special would take days or even weeks – as those that had the unfortunate position of standing next to me and your pictures at your viewing last night learned.  I told someone “You’re generally not supposed to brag about your kids or your nieces or nephews, but I think tonight I get a pass.” Even though I was talking to people who already knew how amazing you were, I felt I had to tell your story – “Look how his little cousins are looking at him with love in this one! Look at how cute he was in this one?  This is when he was 4. This is he and Evan at 6 and 4.  This one is from when his Yeeyee Daphne and I took him swimming.”  I knew I was going on and on, but I can’t help but do so when I think of you.

I still remember where I was when I heard you were born.  My mom had called to tell me you were about to be born! I was so excited, and then she called back to say you had arrived. I was working with Aunt Joyce at the time, just outside her office, so I rushed into her office to share the happy news.  

That was only the beginning of the joy you would bring us.

Watching you grow up was amazing. Even when we were separated by miles and miles, we loved each other deeply.  Visits were such a treat – I like to think for both of us.  When you and your family moved here in 2016, it brought so much joy.  Jeremiah and Nathaniel adore you and I will forever be grateful for the example you set for them of being a caring, kind, helpful, Godly young man. From teaching them to play football to modeling obedience no matter what we asked you to help with, you taught them so much.  When I saw you the night before you passed away, we didn’t have long between Jeremiah’s football practice and yours.  I said to you “Can you watch Nathaniel for one minute while I ask your mom a question?”  Without hesitation you said “Of course” and then ran to him yelling “NA-THAN-IEL!!!!!” making him feel so special and loved like you always did.

I would be remiss if I didn’t mention that while I truly believe that God made you special and put so many gifts and talents inside of you, you also were formed by two very special people – my brother Cameron and sister-in-law Delia.  These two Godly, consistent, wonderful parents set an example for you of how to love God and love people. Even this last week, the worst week of their lives, they have continued to model these two things.

Just a week before you died, your parents and I decided that we were going to schedule a cousin photo shoot as a Christmas gift for Grandma and Grandpa.  Because they cherish their grandkids so much, what could be a better gift than updated pictures of the 5 of you together?  I am so sad we won’t get a chance to do these pictures.  Because I like to plan ahead, before bringing this up as an idea to your parents, I had already started looking for matching outfits for the 5 of you.  One of the first ones I saw in my online search immediately caught my eye – Shirts that said “Cousin #1” “Cousin #2” etc.  They were cute, but a little cheesy.  I thought to myself “Caleb wouldn’t like wearing that for a picture at all.”  But I kept it in the back of my mind because while I knew you wouldn’t like it, I also knew that if we told you we wanted you to wear it, you would do so and with a good attitude.  Because you were always so, so good about putting others before yourself…. Unless it was a fantasy football draft, game of Rook, or other similar pursuit in which case you took great pleasure in besting me! 

But now, dear nephew, you have gotten the best for yourself.  You have something those of us still here do not have- better than any basketball trophy, football championship, or even Dutch Blitz success, you have entered eternity. In his book “Driven By Eternity,” John Bevere writes “Eternity has been planted in our hearts, even though it’s impossible to comprehend with our minds.”  And that is true.  I can’t comprehend where you are now or all the glories you are now seeing, but I know that you are far better off than we are.  And so we are broken hearted to say good bye for now.

A couple of days after your death, it was in the early morning, and I was scrolling through facebook reading all the wonderful things (all true) that people had to say about you.  It helped me to see your face and read how loved you were. But of course, being on facebook, I was seeing all other kinds of posts as well.  One friend posted, completely unrelated to you, about that day being the end of the holiday of Sukkot, the Feast of Tabernacles. This holiday commemorates the time the Israelites were kept by God as they wandered in their temporary homes.  You, my dear boy, were held so dearly by God while you were in your temporary home here on earth, and now you have entered the true Promised Land.

The morning you left, as we were in your room before they took you away, we were praying and praying for a miracle – we didn’t want you to go.  But while I was praying and pleading with God to fix the situation, I thought of the verse in John 12 that says “Unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone. But if it dies, it produces much fruit.”  Later that day, I was talking with your Yeeyee Daphne, and we both had the same thought – at this point in time, we don’t want the fruit.  We just want you back.  But we choose to trust.

One running joke we had was about a song that I loved that you accused me of overplaying during our worship sets at church.  While you MAY have had a point, I continue to love the song, much like you did at first before I quote unquote needed to take a break. Part of the lyrics to that song, Waymaker, say “You are waymaker, miracle worker, promise keeper, light in the darkness, my God, that is who you are.”  God truly performed a miracle when he created you, my Caleb, and while I don’t see him working right now, we will continue to trust Him to be our light in this darkness.  Because without you, our lives are all a little darker.  The song goes on to say that God is mending every heart – and right now, I don’t know when or how our hearts will ever be mended because losing you has torn them so completely, but we will follow the example you set for us and press on.  

Caleb, your Uncle John and I will always, always love you.  Jeremiah and Nathaniel will never forget you and will always remember the way you made them feel so loved and special.  

We can’t wait to see you again.